I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
