kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
