Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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