Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
