don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
