I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
