1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
