So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
