Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
