in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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