yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
