TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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