Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
