I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
