1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
