That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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