I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
only you would photoshop your dick
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
