Got a toothbrush?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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