you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
