around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
