he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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