shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
