The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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