if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
