Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There's always time for handjobs
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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