Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
