You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
