the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
