AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
