Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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