I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
MIDGETS
????
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
