Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
