atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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