I hate your face
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
