I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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