bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
