Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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