ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
