Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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