I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im holly from the hills drunk
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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