He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
