Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
