I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
