the condom got lost in my hair
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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