I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
