I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
