That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
