i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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