I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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