Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
