What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i would punch a child for taco bell
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
