Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
