All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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