I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
