Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
