and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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